Some days I wish Jackson looked sick. I know that may sound weird to some of you, but I wish when people looked at him, the seriousness of his disease could show through. Other than the diabetes, he is an incredibly healthy little boy. But this dumb disease is ravaging his body and I am completely out of control. Even now at 1:00 am in the morning he is up having to go to the bathroom because his blood sugars are too high.
Today was a difficult day. His sensor is a testy little machine and the signal was lost right before Tae Kwon Do and we couldn't get it back. I wish the powers that be could give us more information about why we lose the signal and how to get it back quicker. We managed to get it back later this evening, but the tension and worry were already there.
And he can't fully participate in his Tae Kwon Do because we don't want him to harm the pump site or the sensor so he just sits out the parts he can't do. He TOTALLY understands why, but Ken said tonight, his face looked so sad as he watched his classmates. If he looked sick, maybe others around him would be more sensitive to his needs. UGH!
I try to remind myself that this is all part of God's plan and that He is going to use Jackson in his broken state in far great ways than I can imagine. Some days, like today, are just too hard.