Friday, January 11, 2008

if he looked sick...

Some days I wish Jackson looked sick. I know that may sound weird to some of you, but I wish when people looked at him, the seriousness of his disease could show through. Other than the diabetes, he is an incredibly healthy little boy. But this dumb disease is ravaging his body and I am completely out of control. Even now at 1:00 am in the morning he is up having to go to the bathroom because his blood sugars are too high.

Today was a difficult day. His sensor is a testy little machine and the signal was lost right before Tae Kwon Do and we couldn't get it back. I wish the powers that be could give us more information about why we lose the signal and how to get it back quicker. We managed to get it back later this evening, but the tension and worry were already there.

And he can't fully participate in his Tae Kwon Do because we don't want him to harm the pump site or the sensor so he just sits out the parts he can't do. He TOTALLY understands why, but Ken said tonight, his face looked so sad as he watched his classmates. If he looked sick, maybe others around him would be more sensitive to his needs. UGH!

I try to remind myself that this is all part of God's plan and that He is going to use Jackson in his broken state in far great ways than I can imagine. Some days, like today, are just too hard.

8 comments:

MsGrace said...

My heart just aches for you and your sweet boy. I pray for you all the time. I remember having some of the very same thoughts when Caleb was going thorugh all of his medical issues. He also looked completely healthy & yet the seizure disorder wsa always lurking. The one thing I remembr though was that my faith grew so much during that time. There was just no other way to get through it all.

Big hugs oxoxox
Laura

Deanna said...

jen--Even though I've never met Jackson, I've worked with several kids that had diabetes (I taught P.E for Elem. kids). And I must say that those children were the most genuine, sincere, and understanding children that I got to work with. It's as if having the disease makes them realize at an early age that life's not all about them--there's a bigger pictureand God had a plan for them--and I tell ya, they were the most AMAZING kids. It sounds like your Jackson is the same way! Yes, those kids had to sit out some at P.E., but they understood too. I really think that it was those kids and your Jackson, that God will use in a super special way! No kidding! There's such an understanding and a compassion about them that can only be put to use for His glory! hang in there! i just wanted to offer a few words of encouragement! HTH!

Croppycatter said...

We'll keep you and Jackson in our prayers! Hang in there...we're here for you!!

emelyn said...

oh Jen, I'm so sorry. It's so tough that he has to go through all of this, but what a blessing that he understands. I"m continuoulsy thinking and praying for him. I wish there was something I can do to help....hugs, em

The Cool Chicks said...

Jen - you know how I feel about our little Jack Jack! I am with you! And Deanna is so right - Jackson will be used in a very special way to change this world!!

love ya
Amy

BethieJ said...

Jen~ I am so SORRY To read that, it breaks my heart for you all, I am AMAZED at your strength.. and HIS your sweet Jack! I know there are GREAT things planned for his life! He has such GREAT parents and friends!
Give him a hug for me, he doesnt know me but hugs are always good right! :)
I continue to keep your family in my prayers!
Beth

Morgan said...

Jen, I wish there were something I could say to make this all better for you. I hope this sensor thing gets worked out very soon, it's such a mixed blessing isn't it. Jackson is a very lucky little boy to have so many people care and love him, he's going to come out on top! My heart is full thinking about what an impact he's going to have on this world, just give him time! Hang in there, one more month to Disney & CHA, WooHoo!!!

cropaddict.com said...

Oh He will. Jackson is one strong little boy and he is going to make a wonderful witness.